What self care actually looks like

If you’re a woman in your 40s or 50s, chances are you’ve heard this before: “You just need some self-care.”

But what does that even mean?

Is it a massage? A bubble bath? A glass of wine with a face mask?
Maybe. But for many of us, those ideas of self-care feel…fluffy. Like a beautifully wrapped gift that doesn’t actually contain what we really need.

Because let’s be honest—most women I know in midlife are juggling work, caregiving (up and down the generational ladder), marriage, friendship, hormonal shifts, and the constant low hum of being stretched thin. We don’t need vague platitudes about “taking time for ourselves.” We need care that’s grounded in reality.

We need support for our bodies, our nervous systems, and our identities—all of which are evolving fast.

Real self-care is rooted in biology—and your life.

I’m a nurse practitioner, a mom, a business owner, and a woman in the middle of all the complexity that comes with midlife. And here’s what I’ve learned, both personally and professionally:

Real self-care should fuel your soul.
It should help you reconnect with your sense of self, show up in your relationships more fully, and feel like you again—not the version of you who’s just barely getting through.

Right now, for me that means:

• Lifting weights and staying active (even when I don’t feel like it)
• Acupuncture to help with stress, sleep, and aches
• Feeling confident in my skin with tools like Botox and yes—painted nails

That last one matters, too. I just recently started getting my nails done regularly, and it brings me joy. The key? It’s not performative. It’s for me.

One size doesn’t fit all—especially in midlife.

Years ago, I remember someone suggesting I get a massage for “self-care.” I had two small kids at the time, was breastfeeding, juggling all the chaos—and honestly, the massage felt like more work. Finding a babysitter, timing pumping, rushing to get there and back.

It wasn’t restorative. It was logistical.

That experience taught me something that I now share often with my patients:

The kind of self-care you need depends on the season you’re in.

Sometimes, self-care looks like sitting quietly in an acupuncture chair for 30 minutes while your nervous system unwinds. Sometimes it’s Botox because you’re tired of your outside not matching how vibrant you feel inside. Sometimes it’s saying no, blocking time on your calendar, or just allowing yourself to rest without guilt.

It’s not about doing what someone else says you “should.” It’s about listening to your body and choosing what actually helps.

Midlife is not a breakdown—it’s a biological and emotional turning point

In this season of life, there are often big hormonal shifts happening alongside big life transitions:

• Kids becoming teens
• Parents aging
• Careers evolving
• Identity changing

That’s a lot. So if you feel like the usual self-care advice doesn’t touch the depth of what you’re carrying, you’re right—it doesn’t.

Which is why your care needs to support not just your surface, but your systems. Your nervous system, endocrine system, and emotional resilience. Acupuncture, strength training, hormone support, and yes, Botox—all of these can be part of a whole-person approach that helps you not just survive, but thrive.

This is exactly why I’ve rebooted my podcast—to feature local wellness professionals who are doing meaningful, impactful work. Women in our community deserve care that’s deeper than a 10-minute appointment or a generic tip sheet. Through these conversations, I want to connect you with practitioners I trust—people who can help you navigate this season of life with clarity, strength, and real support.

What I want every woman over 40 to know:

You are allowed to care what you look like. You are allowed to care how you feel.
You don’t have to apologize for needing support—or for choosing the kind of support that works for you.
Whether that’s something “natural” like acupuncture, or something “not natural” like a GLP-1 medication, you get to decide what helps you live well.

Let’s move beyond the surface-level version of self-care. Let’s choose what actually makes us feel like ourselves again.

Curious about the care you could be receiving?

Listen to my podcast, "The Skin You're In," on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and Youtube to hear from wellness clinicians in southern New Hampshire who can help you in impactful ways.

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